Like most Americans, I spent the great part of last Tuesday glued to my television. The inauguration of our new president, Barack Obama, in the freezing temperatures was so many things, but cold simply wasn’t one of them. It was warm – it was inspiring, it was filled with hope, it was emotional. For me, one of the MOST moving moments though, was when Elizabeth Alexander read her poem, “Praise Song for the Day.” I think the reason that this poem moved me so much was that the question she offered – and the answer – were an unexpected twist. The poem started by inviting us to walk down the street, and it moved easily through everyday moments of life. It was just a normal snapshot, and then, it wasn’t. It was that question. One that is so totally in concert with how I live my life and what I’ve been sharing and writing about for the last twenty years.
What Elizabeth Alexander asked at the inauguration of Barack Obama was this:
“What if the mightiest word is love, love beyond marital, filial, national. Love that casts a widening pool of light.”
I am even moved again, the moment that I write this, because if the mightiest word is LOVE, then we will ALL know that ALL things truly are possible. If the mightiest word is love, then that love – turned INWARD – will truly create the change we are all looking for, one person at a time.
And this idea – this love turned inward – also answers a call I’ve been hearing a lot over the last few weeks. “ Oprah needs to hire you!” is what I keep hearing, through phone calls and emails. From the women who have taken my 12 week course and have worked with me. That statement probably seems silly to those who don’t know me. I mean, who wouldn’t want Oprah to call? Her platform and reputation are so strong that entire careers are made simply on her recommendation or nod of approval.
I have mastered what she is still struggling with – I’m a well known expert in my field, and my unique 20-year philosophy and tools around weight loss have built a great foundation for my career all on their own. So what is it? Why does everyone want to work with Oprah? The truth is, I think it’s that mighty love that Elizabeth Alexander wrote about and shared at the inauguration. Oprah Winfrey literally casts that mighty love and widening pool of light and so do I.
We all know people like this: Those who are not only undaunted by the hardships around them, but who seem uniquely armed to rise above them. Oprah Winfrey takes it one stop further, though, and like Barack Obama, she inspires others to do so also. She inspires others to cast a widening, mighty pool of light.
Like all of us, though, ironically Oprah struggles to turn that love INWARD. Like all of us, her to do list is too long, her responsibilities too many, and like many – her love flows OUTWARD. Many days, that widening pool leaves her in a shadow. And THAT is why she – and we – do not create PERMANENT CHANGE in our lives. Be it weight – or sex – or alcohol – or even success and work – we will not create the balance we need if we do not learn to create a widening pool of light that includes US. We MUST learn to create and to maintain a lifelong self-love and self-care that WILL sustain us EVERY DAY.
So there is our challenge. And I am ready, willing and able to cast my light and empower you with my "power" tools so that you CAN take control of your life, take control of what you weigh and have a healthy relationship to food!
Yes, as President Barack Obama has embraced, we ARE ready for a change – but that change MUST come from inside each of us. I created that change in my own life, and I continue to create it every day, because self-love and self-care are an every-day journey. As dieters and Oprah Winfrey discover over and over, WITHOUT those ingredients, it’s far too easy to reclaim those pounds we let go of.
And yes, friends, I do want Oprah to hire me, not because it would “make” my career – instead, it is because MY widening pool of light has inspired hundreds and thousands of men and women. Sharing the tools that I have learned over twenty years of maintaining a 100-pound weight loss has been my mission and an enormous privilege. And my vision is for these tools to reach millions. It will happen. The world needs my work.
The magic of Oprah? Well THAT is undeniable. But it isn’t what you might think – it isn’t the making or breaking of careers. Oprah has met and affected so much change in the world, and I believe that with my tools to create PERMANENT change, the course of obesity, food addiction, and eating disorders in this country will be shifted.
To YOUR Permanent Change,
Laura Fenamore, CPCC and Body Image Mastery Mentor
www.LauraFenamore.com
Laura@LauraFenamore
Read all my blogs at: http://www.BodyImageMastery.blogspot.com
Tuesday, January 27, 2009
Tuesday, January 20, 2009
Oprah Carries the Message Again – MY Message
As many of you know, Oprah Winfrey recently “came clean” about her forty-pound weight gain and admitted that she was embarrassed to be two hundred pounds again. I have so many feelings about this, but the strongest of all is: camaraderie.
Our nation has now hit a point where MOST of us are overweight. Isn’t that an overwhelming thought? And even those of us who DO lose weight, like Oprah, will often “reclaim” those pounds and put them back on. So the chances are far greater that Oprah is touching a lot of hearts right now – rather than letting us down.
I would like to say that I am one of the lucky ones – losing a hundred pounds twenty years ago and still being a hundred pounds less two decades later. But it isn’t luck – and don’t think I never reclaimed a pound or two. Surely I have. But what I have been blessed to know – and what Oprah Winfrey is just discovering and proclaiming – is that PERMANENT change MUST be based and grown in self-care and self-love. There is NOTHING else that will offer you the inspiration, the tools, and the COURAGE to continue a different way of life.
Because that’s the other thing that I (and probably all of us) share with Oprah – a lot of people count on us. We have what seems like an endless list of family, friends, colleagues, and sometimes even strangers who look to us for an endless list of things. Add in the mundane reality of a job, a household, and laundry – well, it is not surprising that self-care is a SKILL that has to be taught and learned. Teaching those skills is, in fact, my life’s work.
Quite simply, weight loss means that you must put yourself FIRST on your list, and that isn’t instinctive to most of us. But by doing that, you will be empowered to do everything else, and serve everyone else, in your world.
I have some areas where I disagree with Oprah, though; for one thing, her shame. Don’t get me wrong, I understand what she means. As a body image mastery mentor, I hold the space for my clients who have shame around their weight – and what I wish FOR Oprah is that she could begin her journey of self-care and self-love RIGHT NOW – and that means loving herself 100% (no reservations) and owning that she is perfect right now, as she is. Needing to release the weight again actually makes her MORE accessible to the MILLIONS of men and women who face that same challenge over and over in life. Like I said, I often feel l was one of the lucky ones.
But you know what I know? I know that it wasn’t luck. I lost the weight, only to realize that I still hated my body. I still hated myself. I still hated my life. Can you IMAGINE how awful that was? I had been an overweight kid – then an overweight teen – then an overweight adult. I ALWAYS believed that when I lost the weight, my life would change. Newsflash! I lost the weight and then I had to CHANGE my life. So I did. That’s where the blessing was – I recognized it and started building a pathway to self-love and self-care – and I never stopped. The “luck” grew from belief, faith, trust and gratitude. Every day, I look in the mirror and say, “I’m the luckiest girl on the planet.”
I truly believe that if this dialogue about self-care and what it really MEANS in our day-to-day lives becomes one-tenth as pervasive as the dialogue around shame and self-loathing around weight and dieting and body image – that one-tenth discussion will change the trajectory of obesity and low body image in our nation.
We have an opportunity here to create a different kind of conversation. Will you help me? Will you sit down with your overweight friends and tell them, “I love you and think you are perfect exactly as you are.” And then just LISTEN to their responses about their body and their size. You will be amazed how much healing can occur when you listen to and love someone exactly where they’re at. I am grateful and humbled to be part of this discussion. THAT is the part that I feel luckiest about.
Laura Fenamore, Body Image Mastery Mentor
http://www.laurafenamore.com/
Our nation has now hit a point where MOST of us are overweight. Isn’t that an overwhelming thought? And even those of us who DO lose weight, like Oprah, will often “reclaim” those pounds and put them back on. So the chances are far greater that Oprah is touching a lot of hearts right now – rather than letting us down.
I would like to say that I am one of the lucky ones – losing a hundred pounds twenty years ago and still being a hundred pounds less two decades later. But it isn’t luck – and don’t think I never reclaimed a pound or two. Surely I have. But what I have been blessed to know – and what Oprah Winfrey is just discovering and proclaiming – is that PERMANENT change MUST be based and grown in self-care and self-love. There is NOTHING else that will offer you the inspiration, the tools, and the COURAGE to continue a different way of life.
Because that’s the other thing that I (and probably all of us) share with Oprah – a lot of people count on us. We have what seems like an endless list of family, friends, colleagues, and sometimes even strangers who look to us for an endless list of things. Add in the mundane reality of a job, a household, and laundry – well, it is not surprising that self-care is a SKILL that has to be taught and learned. Teaching those skills is, in fact, my life’s work.
Quite simply, weight loss means that you must put yourself FIRST on your list, and that isn’t instinctive to most of us. But by doing that, you will be empowered to do everything else, and serve everyone else, in your world.
I have some areas where I disagree with Oprah, though; for one thing, her shame. Don’t get me wrong, I understand what she means. As a body image mastery mentor, I hold the space for my clients who have shame around their weight – and what I wish FOR Oprah is that she could begin her journey of self-care and self-love RIGHT NOW – and that means loving herself 100% (no reservations) and owning that she is perfect right now, as she is. Needing to release the weight again actually makes her MORE accessible to the MILLIONS of men and women who face that same challenge over and over in life. Like I said, I often feel l was one of the lucky ones.
But you know what I know? I know that it wasn’t luck. I lost the weight, only to realize that I still hated my body. I still hated myself. I still hated my life. Can you IMAGINE how awful that was? I had been an overweight kid – then an overweight teen – then an overweight adult. I ALWAYS believed that when I lost the weight, my life would change. Newsflash! I lost the weight and then I had to CHANGE my life. So I did. That’s where the blessing was – I recognized it and started building a pathway to self-love and self-care – and I never stopped. The “luck” grew from belief, faith, trust and gratitude. Every day, I look in the mirror and say, “I’m the luckiest girl on the planet.”
I truly believe that if this dialogue about self-care and what it really MEANS in our day-to-day lives becomes one-tenth as pervasive as the dialogue around shame and self-loathing around weight and dieting and body image – that one-tenth discussion will change the trajectory of obesity and low body image in our nation.
We have an opportunity here to create a different kind of conversation. Will you help me? Will you sit down with your overweight friends and tell them, “I love you and think you are perfect exactly as you are.” And then just LISTEN to their responses about their body and their size. You will be amazed how much healing can occur when you listen to and love someone exactly where they’re at. I am grateful and humbled to be part of this discussion. THAT is the part that I feel luckiest about.
Laura Fenamore, Body Image Mastery Mentor
http://www.laurafenamore.com/
Tuesday, January 13, 2009
3 Tips to Changing Your Mind in Order to Lose Weight and Gain Health
It feels like everywhere we look there’s another website, TV show, or life coach committed to helping others lose weight. You literally cannot turn on a news program or talk show and avoid the onslaught of weight loss experts, exercise regimens and “new” diets (can you say iVillage, O Magazine and Biggest Loser?). While the support of these programs (and the companionship and encouragement of the thousands who follow them – especially through the internet) is phenomenal – it is NOT a magic bullet for obesity, eating disorders, and food addiction.
The REASONS we overeat, undereat, or otherwise hurt ourselves with food MUST be digested as well. We need to really look at WHY we hold onto our weight and not lose it, or lose it and immediately begin a quest to FIND it again. There are some great tips out there, but if you do not CHANGE YOUR MIND, you will, at the very least, face a very tough, uphill battle.
Like other professionals in my field, there are a million tips I can share about the mechanism of losing weight, but I have to tell you that the MOST important part of my personal weight loss story came AFTER I lost 100 pounds. It began when I had to acknowledge that I was still unhappy. I had lost 100 pounds, and then had to take an honest look at how I felt – and the lack of DECISIVENESS that still existed in my life. That was where my real healing began. For many (if not most) of us, that type of deep introspection must happen sooner, in order to clear away the clutter and begin (or continue) a great weight loss effort.
The truth is that NOT making decisions is a form of fear. (And in its own way, it is a decision – it is a decision to be paralyzed and avoid risk.) Decisions are scary; it’s that simple. It means that something will change. From the big things, like new jobs and new loves, to the small things, like redecorating – decisions mean that something will change. If you’re on a journey to release excess weight, either for the first time or the hundredth, that decision needs to begin and be empowered by changing your mind.
Tip #1 You are PERFECT. So how do we begin to fade indecisiveness and CHANGE OUR MINDS? We start with one simple and enormously powerful truth: You are wonderful, right now, exactly as you are. Yes, you may be on a journey to release excess weight (along with thousands of others), but RIGHT THIS MOMENT, you are perfect. How can that be true? How can I be perfect AND need to change? Well that, Virginia, is the miracle. We ALL need to change. It is the human condition. But we are all also perfect. The universe says so. Love says so. We only need to lay doubt and fear aside and see that simple truth to be empowered forward.
Tip #2 Choose and Rechoose. If you’re ready to choose and claim that perfect you and grab the power to move forward, you have to know that it’s a “choose and rechoose” decision. Life will get in your way. It’s that simple. You must be committed to choosing to lay indecision on the side every single morning (and maybe a hundred times a day). You must remove it like an old coat. You must be committed to that ONE action to begin changing your mind.
Use this meditation whenever you need to restart your commitment: Close your eyes and see yourself. You are standing in the room you are in. You are in a heavy old wool coat. It itches your skin. It smells old. It makes you sad. It seems to grow heavier by the moment – so heavy that you know you could not go very far in this coat. You see yourself from the outside and feel that coat around you from the inside. Now slowly, gently, take off the coat. Just lay it on the floor and step away from it. Stretch your arms wide and then toward the sky. Now stand up where you are, in real life, and stretch. You are freed from indecision EVERY time you do this exercise and do ONE thing to move forward (i.e., eat an apple, take a walk, call for support – remember, everything matters – every choice, every action).
Tip #3 Make a Decision to Get (and Give) Support – NO EXCUSES! Example A) Okay, not everyone can afford a personal body image mentor – but you MIGHT be able to afford a telecourse or a group seminar offered by such an expert. Example B) Maybe you can’t afford a gym – but you can probably afford a walking or hiking club (or START one!). Example C) Maybe you can’t find an hour a day to exercise – but you CAN steal three ten or fifteen minute breaks to do squats in the ladies’ room or walk really fast around your block three times. The point is that recovery is definitely not one-size-fits-all, but there IS a perfect solution just for you – IF you will lay your fear and paralysis on the side and claim it.
So why the explosion in the weight loss arena? Because in our nation, right now, we have the highest level of overweight people in any place at any time in history. With all the abundance around us, we have made a decision (through indecision) to die. It’s that simple. To either drop dead from complications of obesity or choose to be trapped in the living death that food addiction and eating disorders cause. I do not share this with ANY judgment or arrogance. I have lived that way. And I have lived this way. Believe me, this way is better. Spend a few minutes today and just love yourself. Know that you are perfect and EMPOWERED to change. And then spend a few seconds and weigh your options.
This week, I was privileged to discuss indecision and other weight-related issues with popular coach, Sean Smith on his Empowerment Call Series. Over SIXTY people tuned in to share their questions, and their courage. It was a great conversation, and one I would love to share with you. Please email me at Laura@LauraFenamore if you would like to receive a recording of this inspirational, free discussion of WHY we DON’T prioritize ourselves and what we can do to CHANGE once and for always.
To your journey and your health!
Laura Fenamore
CPCC and Body Image Mastery Mentor
http://www.laurafenamore.com/
The REASONS we overeat, undereat, or otherwise hurt ourselves with food MUST be digested as well. We need to really look at WHY we hold onto our weight and not lose it, or lose it and immediately begin a quest to FIND it again. There are some great tips out there, but if you do not CHANGE YOUR MIND, you will, at the very least, face a very tough, uphill battle.
Like other professionals in my field, there are a million tips I can share about the mechanism of losing weight, but I have to tell you that the MOST important part of my personal weight loss story came AFTER I lost 100 pounds. It began when I had to acknowledge that I was still unhappy. I had lost 100 pounds, and then had to take an honest look at how I felt – and the lack of DECISIVENESS that still existed in my life. That was where my real healing began. For many (if not most) of us, that type of deep introspection must happen sooner, in order to clear away the clutter and begin (or continue) a great weight loss effort.
The truth is that NOT making decisions is a form of fear. (And in its own way, it is a decision – it is a decision to be paralyzed and avoid risk.) Decisions are scary; it’s that simple. It means that something will change. From the big things, like new jobs and new loves, to the small things, like redecorating – decisions mean that something will change. If you’re on a journey to release excess weight, either for the first time or the hundredth, that decision needs to begin and be empowered by changing your mind.
Tip #1 You are PERFECT. So how do we begin to fade indecisiveness and CHANGE OUR MINDS? We start with one simple and enormously powerful truth: You are wonderful, right now, exactly as you are. Yes, you may be on a journey to release excess weight (along with thousands of others), but RIGHT THIS MOMENT, you are perfect. How can that be true? How can I be perfect AND need to change? Well that, Virginia, is the miracle. We ALL need to change. It is the human condition. But we are all also perfect. The universe says so. Love says so. We only need to lay doubt and fear aside and see that simple truth to be empowered forward.
Tip #2 Choose and Rechoose. If you’re ready to choose and claim that perfect you and grab the power to move forward, you have to know that it’s a “choose and rechoose” decision. Life will get in your way. It’s that simple. You must be committed to choosing to lay indecision on the side every single morning (and maybe a hundred times a day). You must remove it like an old coat. You must be committed to that ONE action to begin changing your mind.
Use this meditation whenever you need to restart your commitment: Close your eyes and see yourself. You are standing in the room you are in. You are in a heavy old wool coat. It itches your skin. It smells old. It makes you sad. It seems to grow heavier by the moment – so heavy that you know you could not go very far in this coat. You see yourself from the outside and feel that coat around you from the inside. Now slowly, gently, take off the coat. Just lay it on the floor and step away from it. Stretch your arms wide and then toward the sky. Now stand up where you are, in real life, and stretch. You are freed from indecision EVERY time you do this exercise and do ONE thing to move forward (i.e., eat an apple, take a walk, call for support – remember, everything matters – every choice, every action).
Tip #3 Make a Decision to Get (and Give) Support – NO EXCUSES! Example A) Okay, not everyone can afford a personal body image mentor – but you MIGHT be able to afford a telecourse or a group seminar offered by such an expert. Example B) Maybe you can’t afford a gym – but you can probably afford a walking or hiking club (or START one!). Example C) Maybe you can’t find an hour a day to exercise – but you CAN steal three ten or fifteen minute breaks to do squats in the ladies’ room or walk really fast around your block three times. The point is that recovery is definitely not one-size-fits-all, but there IS a perfect solution just for you – IF you will lay your fear and paralysis on the side and claim it.
So why the explosion in the weight loss arena? Because in our nation, right now, we have the highest level of overweight people in any place at any time in history. With all the abundance around us, we have made a decision (through indecision) to die. It’s that simple. To either drop dead from complications of obesity or choose to be trapped in the living death that food addiction and eating disorders cause. I do not share this with ANY judgment or arrogance. I have lived that way. And I have lived this way. Believe me, this way is better. Spend a few minutes today and just love yourself. Know that you are perfect and EMPOWERED to change. And then spend a few seconds and weigh your options.
This week, I was privileged to discuss indecision and other weight-related issues with popular coach, Sean Smith on his Empowerment Call Series. Over SIXTY people tuned in to share their questions, and their courage. It was a great conversation, and one I would love to share with you. Please email me at Laura@LauraFenamore if you would like to receive a recording of this inspirational, free discussion of WHY we DON’T prioritize ourselves and what we can do to CHANGE once and for always.
To your journey and your health!
Laura Fenamore
CPCC and Body Image Mastery Mentor
http://www.laurafenamore.com/
Tuesday, January 6, 2009
Using the Law of Attraction to “Lose” Weight – The Question and the Answer
Using the Law of Attraction to “Lose” Weight – The Question and the Answer
Ever since I was a little girl, I knew about the Law of Attraction, I just didn’t know what it was called. I would have conversations with God, things would happen in my life, and I would be left saying, “Wow, that was like magic – how did that happen?” The most poignant example was in my early twenties when I began losing pound after pound. I kept putting my intention out there, and the results KEPT coming. This week, Oprah Winfrey has launched her own new intentions, beginning with her New Year TV series and articles highlighting her commitment to self-love and self-care as an answer to her weight struggle. While I’m hugely flattered that Oprah has unknowingly tapped into my personal mission and life’s work, it started me thinking. If self-love is the answer (and it is), what exactly is the question?
The Question: What do you want to attract for 2009? We are almost one week into this New Year, and no matter what we hear about the economy or the state of things around, you can’t deny the optimism and excitement in the air. It is a New Year, a new beginning, and the most important question you can ask yourself is: What do I WANT? It sounds so simple, but more of us run from this question rather than ever dare to answer it. The closest we often get is some faded, recycled New Year’s Resolution. Why? Is claiming our own power that frightening? Yes. It is.
We’ve heard a TON about the Law of Attraction over the last few years, but truly it begins (or ends) with that simple question. Only then can we see, recognize and accept what we pull toward us. Because what we focus on surely expands. Let’s apply this to the most common New Year’s resolution – to lose weight. What happens when we try to lose weight? Well, first of all, we’re focused on “losing” something. So it’s not surprising that we would, on some deep level, resist the effort from day one. When we’re losing something, we are constantly focused on a negative. When we lose something, it often means that we are either going to get it back or are trying to get it back!
In order to use the Law of Attraction, we must first answer, “What do I want?” in a way that is not a loss. We want to be healthy, perhaps even slender. We want to have more energy and stamina. We want to recognize our beauty (even though it is constantly present, we may feel disguised by excess weight and not recognize it). When THOSE things are our focus, the message we send to our psyche (and our heart) is one of self-love, rather than loss. Loss deeply implies a level of judgment, and even self-loathing, so it can’t attract healthy change.
We are magnificent, no matter what we weigh or THINK.
The beauty in our bodies is absolute and undeniable. We are living, and this life is happening this moment – and the next and the next. By focusing on the positive expressions of self-love and GROWING our strength and health, and by accepting that true self-love means courageous choices – THAT is a shift toward attraction that we can all consciously put into practice.
The Answer: Self-love equals courage. Deep inside, we all know this is true. It is why we do not CLAIM our questions. If we did, we would have to claim our answers, and this is not easy. For most of us, courage will not show up on a battlefield on some distant shore, or a burning building that we rush into to save the cat. Courage will show up in quiet, but enormously significant choices that we make every day. It will appear when we set aside forty minutes for dedicated movement out of every 24 hours we live (less than 5% of each day, by the way). When we DON’T make the time to exercise, we literally say that we are not worth 5% of our own time. But there’s no judgment here – life moves quickly, and women especially have lists inside of lists to accomplish each day. That is exactly why self-love = courage. Often, we must push something aside or say “no” in order to claim that time and our responsibility to our healthy bodies. But IF we want real change, mentally focusing on what we want to attract is only the beginning – that focus MUST be followed by our ACTIONS.
- Who do we surround ourselves with? If they are moving, chances are you will be too.
- What foods are in my house? If I haven’t got fruits and vegetables, I can’t be eating them.
- Am I reading inspirational material?
- Am I taking positive courses on body image (If you can’t afford one, go online for free materials to get started or find a great 12-step program, such as overeaters anonymous.)
And finally, NEVER underestimate the power of prayer. There is a beautiful thread that runs through you, it is the thread of love and timelessness. Grab onto that thread and know that you are a part of ALL things. Use it to pull you out of hopelessness or false resolutions, and let it, instead, tie you to your own powerful and abundant future. A future of health and confidence. Remember, with this common thread, even if you can’t do this for yourself some days, you can still do it for the person who would look to YOU for breath and inspiration. Choose to focus on what you GAIN in 2009, and simply, gently, release what you used to wish you could “lose.”
Yours in love,
Laura Fenamore, CPCC, Body Image Mastery Mentor
http://www.laurafenamore.com/
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
Posts
