One Earth, One Planet, One Humanity

I often think about the prejudice I face as a gay woman and how fortunate I am to be able to choose when and how to share that very important part of my life. When I sense that it is not “safe” to be gay, I can choose to keep that information to myself. I often wonder how people of color, or other nationalities or religions (such as Muslim women right now), face prejudice and judgment every day and find the courage to deal with the pain of not being able to have that same choice. They wear their “minority” on their sleeves, so to speak. Quite simply, I get to hide and they do not.

Call me Pollyanna, or simply call me American, but I want to live in a world where none of that matters. As an individual, I do not care what color, background, sexuality or religion you may be. I love people and always give them the benefit of the doubt. I wish this were the way of the world.

It is 2,008, and gay rights are at the forefront of this election – and things are moving in favor of someone’s right to choose the most basic thing in their lives -- their life partner. However, we know that this far from being resolved. The legality of choosing our partners looms like the blinded woman with the scales of justice. Is she blindfolded to all things but justice, as she should be? Or is she just blind as we hurt one another due to prejudice?

Prejudice and Judgment – why do I care what you think of me? Well, to be honest, rejection is palpable. Like all human beings, the risk and the reality of rejection is that the pain it causes often translates to self-abuse through food, drugs, alcohol, sexual addiction, and low self-esteem. Being gay had a profound impact on my body image and self-worth. I was told I was sick. I was told there was something “wrong with me. What Eckhardt Tolle calls the pain body has, in some ways, taken a lifetime to heal.

There is something “wrong with you.” That’s what our society and even the people closest to us tell us every day. You are gay. You are black. You are fat. You are handicapped. You are wrong. Endlessly, the message is profoundly simple: You are wrong.

And in that wrongness, we kill one another from the moment we first draw breath.

How do we heal this?

· As a nation, we heal it through laws and civil rights.
· As communities we heal it by demonstrating and supporting one another.
· But as a person, the question is always right in front of me. How do I heal the “pain body” and the harm that “being wrong” did to my body and my soul?

Powerfully, thankfully, through hard work, going within, and peeling away the “pain bodies” one layer at a time, I have translated most of my “pain body” into power. So much Power that I get to share it and teach it. Some days I feel like the statue of liberty. Bring me your huddled masses because liberty and freedom are yours. You are not wrong, and you never have to hurt yourself or hate yourself for who you are again. You can be free, not only to be who you are, but to love who you are and anyone else you choose to love.

Where do you begin?

I’ve literally written a book on this. Let me offer one simple tool that costs nothing but a little practice. Stop telling yourself you are wrong, you are ugly, or you are fat. Quite simply, stop the negative self-talk. Every time your mind says what a piece of crap you are for X, Y, or Z reason, stop it in its tracks and say, “I am [your name] and I am wonderful.” Then list the things about you – your core. Such as, “I am a powerful, smart, resourceful, strong, black woman. I can change anything that I want to. I come from a culture of survivors.”

Continue until you cannot say any more.

For years I hated myself for being gay. It was one more reason to shame Laura. Although I live in a world that often feels it is still wrong, I can stand and proudly say, “I am Laura Fenamore, and I am a passionate gay woman. I use my power and deep belief in love to serve others and to claim my right to exist. I am a beautiful woman in a beautiful body. I love myself, and in that, I am empowered to love all people.”

THIS is a good beginning.

To your authenticity,
Laura Fenamore, CPCC, Body Image Mastery Mentor
www.LauraFenamore.com
Laura@LauraFenamore.com