Falling Forward Part 5

So, here I am. Months after my initial fall. And I am busy every day LOVING my body through its process of healing. Some days that means holding the space for the little girl in me to be sad or frustrated or even afraid. My life has changed, and I cannot know what that will mean tomorrow – or even a few years down the road. What I CAN know, however, is that I am willing to create enough self-love and self-care every day to love my body and honor it – even through limited mobility, or pain, or discord. My body is my HOME, and I love it no matter what. For today, that means that I am willing to embrace physical therapy to be as STRONG as I can and to create an energy of healing all around me.

What I have learned louder than anything, is that my body needs to move for my emotional well being. I am naturally a vibrant and happy woman – I have done a TON of inner work to be able to say that with conviction – and exercise makes me even happier. I KNOW that I will always create a life with movement and exercise – whatever that may mean at the time. Right now, it may mean swimming instead of aerobics, and when I’m eighty, it may mean chasing my partner down the hall in my walker. But whatever it is as each day unfolds, movement makes my life richer, and for that I am grateful. I will get back there, and patience is key. Thank you God and body for allowing me to practice patience. How are you being patient with your body today?

Laura Fenamore, CPCC and Body Image Mastery Mentor
Laura@LauraFenamore.com
http://www.LauraFenamore.com

I suppose that one of the lessons I am privileged to learn through my injury is a renewed understanding of the issues many of my clients face. Because one of the side effects of not being able to exercise is that I am gaining a little weight. The myriad of feelings around this, and turning my expertise INWARD, has been really meaningful. You see, body image mastery is absolutely NOT about weight. It's about honoring ourselves from the INSIDE out. It's about creating enough self-love and self-care that we no longer abuse ourselves with food in any way. No binging. No starving. In fact, after a while, body image mastery leads to a love affair with food – HEALTHY food. It leads to loving your body so much that you WANT to exercise – partly to BE healthy and partly just to CELEBRATE.

My primary work in the world is to be healthy, physically, emotionally and spiritually and I am! However, things like an unexpected weight gain can feel troubling, like a monkey on my back. And even though I know the weight will release itself (and every physical therapist I see tells me the same thing), it is not always easy. I am here to practice what I preach by observing my fearful thoughts and watching them come and go. So yes, I am holding on to my deep love and appreciation for my body and taking care of it while it heals. Every day, I kiss my knee many times and talk to it and let it know it is healing and loved so much. I treat it like I would a little baby. We can do that to every body part we have. Our body will drink it up. Who doesn't want to be loved up? I do!!!!

Fallling Forward

Hurting my knee has had some very far reaching effects in my life, and the process of recovering has been much more arduous than I would have expected. I didn’t’ want to have surgery at first, and resisted it. Finally though, I came around. It was necessary. I asked my body and it told me. Ever the optimist, I joked with the surgeon that I was going to leave the hospital and head straight to the gym. Hah! You think I am kidding right? I AM NOT. I remember coming out of anesthesia and asking to speak to the doctor, saying, “If I cannot go to the gym this week, can I take a long walk by Saturday?” (It was Tuesday.) He answered, “You will see for yourself.” Hah. My doctor knew. By Saturday, I could barely get out of bed, let alone take a walk! This was not even close to reality. In fact, even months later, I’ve had to adjust my exercise regimen DRASTICALLY.

As a body image mastery mentor, you can imagine how important movement is in my life. I LOVE to work out. It is a BIG part of my self-care. It is how I honor my body, the one true home that my soul gets to live in, and it is how I honor my spirit. I truly appreciate and own the emotional peace and relief that comes from 60 minutes of exercise a day – so much so that I often do two or three times that much. Not any more though. Now, I basically take all of the effort I used to put into exercising my body, and pour it into being PATIENT with it instead.

Allowing the PROCESS of healing to BE a process is not easy, but I know that the universe is teaching me every moment of every day. My job is simply to be open and hear the lessons.
Can anyone out there relate to any of this? I would love to hear from you if you can.

Falling Forward

The fall I took in the parking lot that day ended up being far worse than I first realized. Like most of us, I told myself that it was just a bad fall. But by that first night of agony, it became pretty obvious that something was wrong. After quietly sneaking out of the house in the dim morning light, and NOT asking for help (sound familiar), I made my way to the emergency room of our local hospital. I had torn two meniscuses in my knee. If any of you have experienced this injury, you know that it is extremely painful – and it is more far reaching than one might realize.

Much to my initial chagrin, I was going to have to put aside my fierce independence and my fear and ask for help. I had gotten banged up, I was in pain, I couldn’t get around, and I needed help. This really forced me to ask the universe why was this happening. What were my lessons here? And to ask my body what it really needed? As I teach and know firsthand, the answers will ALWAYS (and I MEAN ALWAYS) come to us. Whether we care to hear them is a different story. So the answers came flooding to me (and are still coming!). I needed to slow down and to hold onto one of my favorite mantras, “The slower I go, the faster I get.” I needed to pay better attention to my joints and to switch things out in my training program. You see, I push myself. I always have and always will (at some level), and yet the body and the soul definitely kick back when they have had enough.

Injuries are gentle ways for the body to say, ENOUGH! Slow down – you must. I cannot take it anymore. So here I am on February 3rd, 2 months post surgery, still limping and yet loving my knee back to health.

Falling Forward

Back in the Fall, on October 4th, 2008 to be exact, I was walking through a parking lot, excited to get home and head out to my dear friend Lisa's 50th Birthday party. The next thing I knew, WHAM, I was flying through the air. It was a bad fall – no kidding. To begin with, the shock of falling as an adult is awful. I sat there, badly scraped up and obviously hurt, and I held the space for the little girl inside of me and just cried for a few minutes.

As a body image mentor who has been working through old traumas for many years, I knew that it was vitally important to honor those feelings immediately, IN THE MOMENT. When we're able to do this, it saves us from having to backtrack and honor them later. But it's certainly not an easy accomplishment. Many people simply feel embarrassed or ashamed about "falling." As adults, we steal ourselves to stay composed in tough situations – much more than is realistic or healthy. We train ourselves not to be angry, or to laugh too loudly – and we certainly shouldn't sit in a parking lot after a bad fall and have a heartfelt cry.

So how did I learn to be in the moment and hold that space? Well, one way was revisiting events where I DIDN'T allow my true, healthy feelings to exist. Take a few minutes today and sit with pen and paper. What are some of those "bad falls" you've had – what were your TRUE feelings? Did you rob yourself to look strong while hurting on the inside? And what did you show the world around you, instead?

Post comments here -- I'd love to hear what you all have to say on this.

Laura Fenamore
CPCC and Body Image Mastery Mentor
http://www.laurafenamore.com/