Ringing in the New Year with a “New” Foundation – Self Love

Ringing in the New Year with a “New” Foundation – Self Love

As 2009 approaches us, I stand back and I count my many blessings. I especially, gratefully look at the health of my own mom. My mother is truly a miracle. She has overcome many things in this life, culminating in an aortic dissection at the beginning of 2008. (This is the same illness that ended John Ritter’s life.) And looking at my mom and her journey, I know that one of the few things we can count on in our lifetime is the unrelenting, march of time.

As we get ready to close out this year, we are invited to sit quietly and consider the year before – to reflect upon its triumphs, its joys, its sorrows and its struggles. Whatever regrets and whatever lessons you may have learned in 2008, each and every moment of it was a lesson, and if you let it be, a blessing. Our past can be what we choose. It can be wings, or it can be an unmovable weight that paralyzes us and holds us back.

By releasing 2008, we create a launching pad for everything that will come to us in 2009, and we set up a real opportunity to ring in THIS New Year with a plan for health and happiness. A plan – instead of the same old list of resolutions. So let’s take a quick minute and look at SOLUTIONS instead of re-solutions. Let’s look at the rough rocks of 2008 and turn every single one of them into the diamonds of 2009.

The #1 Resolution: Lose weight. While the number one thing on most people’s New Year’s resolution list is to lose weight, precious few of us are able to hold onto that objective for even 30 days. So what are we to do? What kind of a plan would change that goal to “gaining health” instead of losing weight? We know so much about health and weight in today’s world. In fact, we are inundated with information. So it certainly isn’t a lack of knowledge that holds us back.

Perhaps it is the simple idea of what we are “going” to do, instead of what we are DOING. What we are NOT doing is simple. We are not loving ourselves enough to eat right, exercise and set the right example for our families. We need to love ourselves so much. We need to create a deep shift to deeply love who we ARE and who we will be in the New Year. Think about that deep unconditional love you feel for your children, your significant other or a friend. And now turn that love onto yourself.

· Start each day with a commitment to yourself in service of the well being of others.

· Begin each day with a prayer and a request of the universe that you NOT FORGET that the foundation for every choice and decision is now to be on different footing – it is to be self-love.

· On a foundation built of self-love, we will choose healthy, positive people who support us.

· On a foundation of self-love, we will eat nourishing foods that energize us so that we may accept, vibrantly, all opportunities and all challenges.

· On a foundation of self-love, we will make courageous decisions that honor our deepest wishes and dreams.

And the truth is this: You can’t un-ring a bell. Once your base of self-love is proclaimed, it exists. Nothing you can do can un-create that foundation. Even a “slip” into old or unloving behavior will simply become an opportunity to release and to begin again. And be prepared, self-love becomes a beacon to those around you. It empowers us to make choices with our time and our resources in very different ways, and THAT is truly inspiring to the world at large. This year, put “Baby New Year” and all of his resolutions safely into the hands of Father Time and set the stage for your own life, renewed and reinvigorated with love at its helm.

I agree with the Beatles, wholeheartedly; they wrote and sang, “Love is all you need,” and I send you this message for this wonderful New Year, “Self-love is all you need”.

To your journey,
Laura Fenamore, CPCC and Body Image Mastery Mentor

http://www.laurafenamore.com/

You’re So Skinny, I Hate You

I can’t tell you how often I’ve heard the phrase, “You’re so skinny I hate you.” It’s an especially difficult phrase for me to hear, since I was once so fat that I felt nothing, if not hugely unlovable.

What does it mean when we utter that phrase to slender women – sometimes even total strangers? Does it mean we hate them? Is it supposed to be a compliment?

How could “hate” ever be a compliment?

What it really tries to impart, of course, is the idea of appreciation – wrapped up in something FAR less attractive – envy. Make no mistake, envy is NOT a compliment. It is not “appreciative.” If we take the greatest clarifying step, and apply the basic spiritual law that all things divide into either love or fear, then it is pretty easy to see that it simply isn’t love.

“You’re so skinny I hate you,” says that loud and clear.

So envy, thus, is fear. In this case, it is the fear that next to a slender woman, we simply do not measure up.

The most enlightening realization about this statement is when we open our hearts to see that the “hatred” is really directed inward – toward ourselves. It would be a far more useful discussion to say, “You’re so skinny that it makes me hate myself.”

On December 4th, Deepak Chopra posted a huge challenge to all who would listen on www.Intentblog.com. He posted an opportunity to commit to non-violence. Now, if that invitation leaves you thinking, “Sure, I won’t kick any old ladies or get into a back-alley knife fight,” then you need an education in what violence really is. What Deepak explains so beautifully is that violence toward ourselves is not okay either. Not at all. (Below is a short excerpt from the website.)

Q. What does nonviolence in thought and speech mean in everyday situations?
A. It means simply reminding yourself that you have made a commitment and that you have taken this vow. When the situation arises and your tendency is to be reactive, a simple reminder will often prevent you from generating a hostile reaction and by and by you will find yourself creating and calmer more creative response in subsequent situations.

If we commit to a truly non-violent life (or even try), we have to think about everything differently – how we eat, how we drive, what our thoughts are, and how we speak – especially to ourselves. Our language becomes SO much more honest when emotions, like envy, must be examined and omitted. And as Chopra expertly explains in this loving vow he extends to all of us, once we go to this committed place, we can never go back. It isn’t that we wouldn’t “slip” or re-engage in negative-self talk or envy, simply out of habit perhaps – but there is a simple law that things truly, inevitably, only move forward. Once the decision toward LOVE has been made, it cannot be unmade. The rest is just the journey to explore the decision, and in this case, what self-love would mean to us, body and soul.

So what are we to say, when we find ourselves standing next to a beautiful, slender woman – perhaps in what some think of as the scariest place in the world, a dressing room?

Perhaps we simply smile and say hello.

Yours in love,

Laura Fenamore, CPCC, Body Image Mastery Mentor
www.LauraFenamore.com

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The 1-2-3 / ABC’s of Childhood Obesity Dissecting A Big Fat Problem

Recently, one of my clients called me -- she was hugely upset. Her eight-year-old daughter was being tested for diabetes. And while my client (and her spouse) have struggled with their weight for years, the IDEA that their little girl might be overweight AND SICK was horrifying. As I mentored her through the discussion, and helped her to see that she wasn't paralyzed -- she finally felt safe enough to admit that her daughter was twenty-three pounds overweight.

If you Google childhood obesity, you literally get 2,360,000 hits. It’s obvious that we put a huge amount of effort into looking at this issue, but how effective are we, when the numbers just go up and up, year after year? Let’s step back and dissect this issue in three very real and useful ways – the problem, the effects (bullying, self-esteem and overall health) and the solution.

#1 The Problem: Quite simply, our kids eat the wrong food and don’t move enough to use it up. When we consider everyday additives, like high fructose corn syrup (HFCS) though, they’re behind the eight ball from the beginning. HFCS not only adds an inordinate amount of calories for a product with NO nutritional upside, it also creates the phenomenon of craving – setting up even our littlest kids to binge eat. (See Childhood Obesity Basics, By Vincent Iannelli, M.D., About.com November 30, 2008)

Another part of the problem? Definitely fast food. Let’s face it, busy parents are often doing all they can to make ends meet and provide loving homes, so what harm is there if McDonald’s is the once (or twice) a week treat? Well, one problem is that we need to at LEAST stop calling it a treat. Call it a standby – call it, “uh oh, we’re in a jam,” call it fast-food Friday, but don’t call it a treat. An apple is a treat. Peanut Butter on wheat thins is a treat. Learning to re-language our discussions around food is vitally important to creating healthier families.

#2 The Effects: The sad truth is this: Our kids are getting bigger and bigger, while their self-esteem plummets. As a body image mastery mentor, I truly believe that we are all perfect and on a life journey to love ourselves from the inside out! But that journey is profoundly easier when we are HEALTHY. Imagine a child too heavy to run and play – too burdened by low self-esteem to enjoy their childhood. As any overweight adult can tell you, the heaviest burden is definitely not the pounds.

#3 The Solution: Okay, obviously the solution needs to be far more reaching than can be addressed in one article. But let’s just consider the basics – what we can implement right now.

a) MOVE. Move every single day. Move in a dedicated, disciplined way WITH your kids. The message is simple. We eat everyday and we move EVERY day. We change our clothes, we brush our teeth, we go to school, and we MOVE. And make it as fun as you can. Walk. Throw the heavy ball. Ride a bike. Dance. Even cleaning their room can be a fun exercise if you do it together (and have the added benefit of a clean room!).

b) Kick fast food to the curb. No exceptions. Instead, create alternative quick menu choices WITH your kids. A quick Google search will net you many, many healthy, kid-friendly recipes (homemade fat-free grilled cheese on whole wheat anybody?).

c) Most importantly, be sure to address your child’s weight from the outside in – AND the inside out. Weight is math. It is not a statement of value. Your kid is valuable and beautiful – those things are not up for debate. HEALTHY is your goal. From the “inside out,” be sure that there isn’t an emotional piece to your child’s weight.

Are they eating compulsively? Are they being teased?

d) Definitely ask for help on this one – their school guidance counselor might be a great place to start. There’s probably even a support group right in your area just for kids (check your local gym and hospital).

Remember, no matter what you do, the worst thing you can do is NOTHING. Our kids are our most vital natural resource, starting them out HEALTHY and FIT is the very least we can do.

Yours in Health,

Laura Fenamore, CPCC, Body Image Mastery Mentor
www.LauraFenamore.com
415 464 1234

Click here for more information and to read the Surgeon General’s Call to Action regarding childhood obesity.

Mirror, Mirror on the Wall, Who’s the Fairest of Them All? 3 Steps Toward Home

When we ask that childhood question, most of us do not stand there confident that the answer will be us – if only that were so. For most of us, the mirror game actually gets harder and harder as we age. Our reflection seems to mock us at every chance, like some twisted fun-house image, making us far too aware of every pound, every wrinkle, and every gray hair. We are our own committee of critics, and if we’re not careful, the negative self-talk can be endless.

This holiday season, give yourself a gift. First of all, get honest. What do you say to yourself when you stand in front of the mirror? Give it a try. (if you are not looking into mirrors at all, it is time to start NOW)

Spend a minute there – naked if you can. Instead of doing what you may have done before – which is be heavy and critical of what you look like, stand there for thirty seconds and just appreciate your own light, and your beautiful body.

You are gorgeous. The only reason your mind tells you otherwise is because of societal standards and norms which are not based in science or truth. In order to change your external reflection, (if that is what you want to do) you must see yourself as gorgeous NOW. You have to love who we are right this moment, in order to get to where you want to be and then stay there.

Take an inventory of your thoughts as you stand there. When negative messages come up? Simply notice them and listen without fueling them with more criticism. It’s amazing how this exercise can take on a life of its own, if you do it regularly over time. Get a journal and do this for the next 30 days.

Step 1: Stand. If facing the mirror bare feels too vulnerable at first, start this process fully clothed and slowly peel away clothes as you feel more powerful in your body. It will happen. Just by facing yourself in the mirror you will begin to see how powerful it is to be in your beautiful body. Begin a mental and physical gratitude list. You are whole and alive. You can effect change right NOW.

Step 2: Listen. Next, celebrate all the great things you have to say to yourself. Write those thoughts down and any other supportive, self-loving statements that enter your mind. Practice saying those thoughts out loud. For instance, “I am healthy, my legs are muscular and strong,” or, “My eyes shine with love and compassionate, knowing I have overcome much in my life.” Try simply saying, “I love you,” to your own reflection (include your name after “I love you”.)

Step 3: Look. When you are able to stand there with your own reflection without hurtful negativity or endless reproach, then take an honest inventory. Are you tired? Do you wish you body were firmer? Are you overweight? Remember, these are not reasons to chastise yourself, but instead, opportunities to inspire healthy change. Does your posture show someone proud, or does it show someone who needs to create pride. Do you see someone who practices self-care – or do you see someone who needs to reevaluate her priorities and make more time for her body and her deep, inherent beauty?

We are in the season of light, and it is time to literally shed light on your body. Physical light, as well as lightness of heart and spirit. What we often learn in our mirror exercise is that we are heavy with burdens that go way beyond the obvious. Heavy with memories. Heavy with judgment. If we aren’t careful and aware, we can get so weighed down during this season of giving, that we forget to give to ourselves at all. What we need, right now, is to lighten our load.

If you do not like WHAT you see in the mirror, you CAN change. You can create a new routine from the inside out. A routine that begins with loving thoughts – with patience and self-care. A day-to-day effort that gives your body the right energy (food choices) and the right opportunities to USE its energy (movement). This simple equation CAN become a part of your daily life, right now. It can be YOUR holiday gift to you. In fact, if you start right this moment, what you see in the mirror may actually change by New Year’s Day. Yes, your body responds THAT quickly to healthy and self-loving inspiration on every level.

So stand, listen, look and love. After all, you’re the only YOU you’ve got!

Laura Fenamore, CPCC, Body Image Mastery Mentor
www.LauraFenamore.com
Laura@LauraFenamore.com

Eat Drink and Be… A Big Fat Drunk

Although an important goal my goal in life is to avoid offending others, after I lost 100 pounds 20 plus years ago, I found a button in a novelty store in San Francisco that read, “Eat Drink and Be A Big Fat Drunk.” I wore it with pride for many years after that every holiday season.

The button cracked me up.

Mostly because it embodied humor AND a sense of personal responsibility – something that I really related to, then and now. It was also a reminder to me about where I’d come from and where I never wanted to see again.

In addition to suffering from food addiction, I had been a practicing alcoholic for many years. I began excessively drinking when I was in 7th grade. Like most addicts, I felt that alcohol freed me from my pain. For me, it did this in a way that food never could, and it empowered me to do crazy and often destructive things I never would have done otherwise.

It was also killing me in so many ways. It destroyed my self esteem, helped me hide from who I was. I was in two car accidents before I finally got sober – thankfully I survived without hurting anyone. Gratefully, all of that changed, and I was able to stop acting out with alcohol, food and other addictions – and able to lose 100 pounds through that process of healing.

The holidays are a time of year when so many of us act out with food, alcohol and other addictions, hoping to escape the pain of being with family or feeling alone (or being alone with family…take your pick.) It does not have to be that way though. And that I know for sure.
You can Eat Drink and Be Merry with moderation and learn how to deal with feelings that you want to suppress, forget or numb. Let's face it many people still choose to numb out and replace the “merry” part with big, fat, and I will add "unhappy" drunk...

You get to make different choices today. First of all, you can do whatever you want around the holidays. You do NOT have to do what others expect of you. This is your life, and your responsibilities to others simply don’t work if they’re killing you. And, quite simply, anything that isn’t building you up is definitely tearing you down.

Secondly, you have the choice to take people, places, and even the holidays themselves in SMALL doses. You can go late and leave early – thus creating a scenario where you can enjoy your Great Aunt May and your brother-in-law Barney for a few minutes, but leave when the fur starts flying. Be sure to set an exit with a few well-placed sentences to the host, “Mom, I can’t wait to see you on Thanksgiving, but remember I’ll need to leave early to meet up with my friends from work.” A great exit strategy will ultimately serve everyone.

The bottom line is this: Holidays aren’t easy. They are loaded with “fairy princess” expectations from childhood. You know, the “happily ever after” stuff that we all know doesn’t exist. We are fed visions of sugar plums and presents from early on, and we struggle year after year when that doesn’t materialize. We wonder if we’re doing it wrong. I’m here to assure you that you aren’t. Building a celebration around what works for YOU and what you need is perfectly okay and just might keep you solidly centered on what really fulfills you.

Feed your soul with people and places and things you love this season and write me and tell me how much better that feels from holidays past!

If you have questions about how to create this “personal celebration” call me at 415-464-1234.

Laura Fenamore, CPCC, Body Image Mastery Mentor
www.LauraFenamore.com
415 464 1234