Although an important goal my goal in life is to avoid offending others, after I lost 100 pounds 20 plus years ago, I found a button in a novelty store in San Francisco that read, “Eat Drink and Be A Big Fat Drunk.” I wore it with pride for many years after that every holiday season.
The button cracked me up.
Mostly because it embodied humor AND a sense of personal responsibility – something that I really related to, then and now. It was also a reminder to me about where I’d come from and where I never wanted to see again.
In addition to suffering from food addiction, I had been a practicing alcoholic for many years. I began excessively drinking when I was in 7th grade. Like most addicts, I felt that alcohol freed me from my pain. For me, it did this in a way that food never could, and it empowered me to do crazy and often destructive things I never would have done otherwise.
It was also killing me in so many ways. It destroyed my self esteem, helped me hide from who I was. I was in two car accidents before I finally got sober – thankfully I survived without hurting anyone. Gratefully, all of that changed, and I was able to stop acting out with alcohol, food and other addictions – and able to lose 100 pounds through that process of healing.
The holidays are a time of year when so many of us act out with food, alcohol and other addictions, hoping to escape the pain of being with family or feeling alone (or being alone with family…take your pick.) It does not have to be that way though. And that I know for sure.
You can Eat Drink and Be Merry with moderation and learn how to deal with feelings that you want to suppress, forget or numb. Let's face it many people still choose to numb out and replace the “merry” part with big, fat, and I will add "unhappy" drunk...
You get to make different choices today. First of all, you can do whatever you want around the holidays. You do NOT have to do what others expect of you. This is your life, and your responsibilities to others simply don’t work if they’re killing you. And, quite simply, anything that isn’t building you up is definitely tearing you down.
Secondly, you have the choice to take people, places, and even the holidays themselves in SMALL doses. You can go late and leave early – thus creating a scenario where you can enjoy your Great Aunt May and your brother-in-law Barney for a few minutes, but leave when the fur starts flying. Be sure to set an exit with a few well-placed sentences to the host, “Mom, I can’t wait to see you on Thanksgiving, but remember I’ll need to leave early to meet up with my friends from work.” A great exit strategy will ultimately serve everyone.
The bottom line is this: Holidays aren’t easy. They are loaded with “fairy princess” expectations from childhood. You know, the “happily ever after” stuff that we all know doesn’t exist. We are fed visions of sugar plums and presents from early on, and we struggle year after year when that doesn’t materialize. We wonder if we’re doing it wrong. I’m here to assure you that you aren’t. Building a celebration around what works for YOU and what you need is perfectly okay and just might keep you solidly centered on what really fulfills you.
Feed your soul with people and places and things you love this season and write me and tell me how much better that feels from holidays past!
If you have questions about how to create this “personal celebration” call me at 415-464-1234.
Laura Fenamore, CPCC, Body Image Mastery Mentor
www.LauraFenamore.com
415 464 1234
Showing posts with label food addiction. Show all posts
Showing posts with label food addiction. Show all posts
Wednesday, December 3, 2008
Tuesday, October 28, 2008
Trick or Treat
It is sadly obvious that the “economic downturn” that is leaving families homeless, jobless, and without their retirement savings is due, in a large part, to greed. If all things break down to Love or Fear, as some spiritual minds believe, then greed certainly doesn’t fall on the side of love. Greed and Fear. How quickly they spread. Like all illnesses they hit those who are the most vulnerable, those who are discouraged, stressed or run down. So self-care becomes even more vital at a time like this.
For those who are able to breath deeply and find a rhythm, no matter what is happening to them externally, each day can still be filled with gratitude, and yes, even joy.
We are like those kids at Halloween, we can run away, scared by every mask and every ghoul. We can turn off our porch lights and hide in the darkened living room, hoping no one comes to trick us. Our other choice is obvious, we can take a deep breath and remember that there are no ghouls. Masks are only illusions. We can sit on our porch and share what we have with our neighbors. We can even join in and put on our own mask if we need to. We can choose to wear a mask of joy and “act as if” to get through scary days. (Not the same as denial, of course!)
My point is that in good times or bad, you are still living this ONE day of your life. It is yours, and you can refuse to ACT on fear. We may all be afraid; we do not know how things will turn and unfold with the economy, or with anything for that matter. But how we ACT is another story.
Will we sit, in our fearful, darkened living room and EAT all the candy? (It is worth noting that eating disorders are the most common addiction worldwide, and the cause of incalculable illness and emotional agony.) Like Halloween, addiction is a mask – it is not real. It offers a false face of comfort and escape, but underneath is a jailer who will fight with everything he has to keep you imprisoned and in despair.
Each of us has our own jailer, of course. Sometimes it is tangible, like food or alcohol or drug addiction, smoking, gambling, sex. Sometimes it is intangible, and it hides behind the mask of another person or an idea, like our old friend, GREED.
It is up to each of us to rip off the mask and make peace with the charlatan. We can be HOPEFUL at this time and release the EXCESS, caused by greed or fear. It may be frightening, but it is a time of rebalance. Whether we are losing excess debt or excess weight (in whatever form), we know there is a period of adjustment and perhaps grief.
Our habits as a person and a nation are going to have to change to support the new body. The more fit body. The healthier body.
We are the most prosperous nation in the world, and that is not about money. We have freedoms that are only dreamt of by other countries and other people. We can worship. We can speak freely, in word and in print. We can elect our government. We are based, not on a cultural or genetic similarity, but on one idea: Freedom.
The point of this essay is to encourage each of us to ENCOURAGE one another toward inner peace. To claim our own freedoms right now, in this moment. Your freedom. Your right to refuse to be locked in by addiction, hopelessness, greed, fear, or negativity of ANY kind.
This is your one precious life, and perhaps the biggest “trick” of all is that you’ve had the key inside you all along.
To your self-care, Laura Fenamore
Body Image Mastery Mentor
www.LauraFenamore.com
For those who are able to breath deeply and find a rhythm, no matter what is happening to them externally, each day can still be filled with gratitude, and yes, even joy.
We are like those kids at Halloween, we can run away, scared by every mask and every ghoul. We can turn off our porch lights and hide in the darkened living room, hoping no one comes to trick us. Our other choice is obvious, we can take a deep breath and remember that there are no ghouls. Masks are only illusions. We can sit on our porch and share what we have with our neighbors. We can even join in and put on our own mask if we need to. We can choose to wear a mask of joy and “act as if” to get through scary days. (Not the same as denial, of course!)
My point is that in good times or bad, you are still living this ONE day of your life. It is yours, and you can refuse to ACT on fear. We may all be afraid; we do not know how things will turn and unfold with the economy, or with anything for that matter. But how we ACT is another story.
Will we sit, in our fearful, darkened living room and EAT all the candy? (It is worth noting that eating disorders are the most common addiction worldwide, and the cause of incalculable illness and emotional agony.) Like Halloween, addiction is a mask – it is not real. It offers a false face of comfort and escape, but underneath is a jailer who will fight with everything he has to keep you imprisoned and in despair.
Each of us has our own jailer, of course. Sometimes it is tangible, like food or alcohol or drug addiction, smoking, gambling, sex. Sometimes it is intangible, and it hides behind the mask of another person or an idea, like our old friend, GREED.
It is up to each of us to rip off the mask and make peace with the charlatan. We can be HOPEFUL at this time and release the EXCESS, caused by greed or fear. It may be frightening, but it is a time of rebalance. Whether we are losing excess debt or excess weight (in whatever form), we know there is a period of adjustment and perhaps grief.
Our habits as a person and a nation are going to have to change to support the new body. The more fit body. The healthier body.
We are the most prosperous nation in the world, and that is not about money. We have freedoms that are only dreamt of by other countries and other people. We can worship. We can speak freely, in word and in print. We can elect our government. We are based, not on a cultural or genetic similarity, but on one idea: Freedom.
The point of this essay is to encourage each of us to ENCOURAGE one another toward inner peace. To claim our own freedoms right now, in this moment. Your freedom. Your right to refuse to be locked in by addiction, hopelessness, greed, fear, or negativity of ANY kind.
This is your one precious life, and perhaps the biggest “trick” of all is that you’ve had the key inside you all along.
To your self-care, Laura Fenamore
Body Image Mastery Mentor
www.LauraFenamore.com
Monday, September 8, 2008
One Earth, One Planet, One Humanity
I often think about the prejudice I face as a gay woman and how fortunate I am to be able to choose when and how to share that very important part of my life. When I sense that it is not “safe” to be gay, I can choose to keep that information to myself. I often wonder how people of color, or other nationalities or religions (such as Muslim women right now), face prejudice and judgment every day and find the courage to deal with the pain of not being able to have that same choice. They wear their “minority” on their sleeves, so to speak. Quite simply, I get to hide and they do not.
Call me Pollyanna, or simply call me American, but I want to live in a world where none of that matters. As an individual, I do not care what color, background, sexuality or religion you may be. I love people and always give them the benefit of the doubt. I wish this were the way of the world.
It is 2,008, and gay rights are at the forefront of this election – and things are moving in favor of someone’s right to choose the most basic thing in their lives -- their life partner. However, we know that this far from being resolved. The legality of choosing our partners looms like the blinded woman with the scales of justice. Is she blindfolded to all things but justice, as she should be? Or is she just blind as we hurt one another due to prejudice?
Prejudice and Judgment – why do I care what you think of me? Well, to be honest, rejection is palpable. Like all human beings, the risk and the reality of rejection is that the pain it causes often translates to self-abuse through food, drugs, alcohol, sexual addiction, and low self-esteem. Being gay had a profound impact on my body image and self-worth. I was told I was sick. I was told there was something “wrong with me. What Eckhardt Tolle calls the pain body has, in some ways, taken a lifetime to heal.
There is something “wrong with you.” That’s what our society and even the people closest to us tell us every day. You are gay. You are black. You are fat. You are handicapped. You are wrong. Endlessly, the message is profoundly simple: You are wrong.
And in that wrongness, we kill one another from the moment we first draw breath.
How do we heal this?
· As a nation, we heal it through laws and civil rights.
· As communities we heal it by demonstrating and supporting one another.
· But as a person, the question is always right in front of me. How do I heal the “pain body” and the harm that “being wrong” did to my body and my soul?
Powerfully, thankfully, through hard work, going within, and peeling away the “pain bodies” one layer at a time, I have translated most of my “pain body” into power. So much Power that I get to share it and teach it. Some days I feel like the statue of liberty. Bring me your huddled masses because liberty and freedom are yours. You are not wrong, and you never have to hurt yourself or hate yourself for who you are again. You can be free, not only to be who you are, but to love who you are and anyone else you choose to love.
Where do you begin?
I’ve literally written a book on this. Let me offer one simple tool that costs nothing but a little practice. Stop telling yourself you are wrong, you are ugly, or you are fat. Quite simply, stop the negative self-talk. Every time your mind says what a piece of crap you are for X, Y, or Z reason, stop it in its tracks and say, “I am [your name] and I am wonderful.” Then list the things about you – your core. Such as, “I am a powerful, smart, resourceful, strong, black woman. I can change anything that I want to. I come from a culture of survivors.”
Continue until you cannot say any more.
For years I hated myself for being gay. It was one more reason to shame Laura. Although I live in a world that often feels it is still wrong, I can stand and proudly say, “I am Laura Fenamore, and I am a passionate gay woman. I use my power and deep belief in love to serve others and to claim my right to exist. I am a beautiful woman in a beautiful body. I love myself, and in that, I am empowered to love all people.”
THIS is a good beginning.
To your authenticity,
Laura Fenamore, CPCC, Body Image Mastery Mentor
www.LauraFenamore.com
Laura@LauraFenamore.com
Call me Pollyanna, or simply call me American, but I want to live in a world where none of that matters. As an individual, I do not care what color, background, sexuality or religion you may be. I love people and always give them the benefit of the doubt. I wish this were the way of the world.
It is 2,008, and gay rights are at the forefront of this election – and things are moving in favor of someone’s right to choose the most basic thing in their lives -- their life partner. However, we know that this far from being resolved. The legality of choosing our partners looms like the blinded woman with the scales of justice. Is she blindfolded to all things but justice, as she should be? Or is she just blind as we hurt one another due to prejudice?
Prejudice and Judgment – why do I care what you think of me? Well, to be honest, rejection is palpable. Like all human beings, the risk and the reality of rejection is that the pain it causes often translates to self-abuse through food, drugs, alcohol, sexual addiction, and low self-esteem. Being gay had a profound impact on my body image and self-worth. I was told I was sick. I was told there was something “wrong with me. What Eckhardt Tolle calls the pain body has, in some ways, taken a lifetime to heal.
There is something “wrong with you.” That’s what our society and even the people closest to us tell us every day. You are gay. You are black. You are fat. You are handicapped. You are wrong. Endlessly, the message is profoundly simple: You are wrong.
And in that wrongness, we kill one another from the moment we first draw breath.
How do we heal this?
· As a nation, we heal it through laws and civil rights.
· As communities we heal it by demonstrating and supporting one another.
· But as a person, the question is always right in front of me. How do I heal the “pain body” and the harm that “being wrong” did to my body and my soul?
Powerfully, thankfully, through hard work, going within, and peeling away the “pain bodies” one layer at a time, I have translated most of my “pain body” into power. So much Power that I get to share it and teach it. Some days I feel like the statue of liberty. Bring me your huddled masses because liberty and freedom are yours. You are not wrong, and you never have to hurt yourself or hate yourself for who you are again. You can be free, not only to be who you are, but to love who you are and anyone else you choose to love.
Where do you begin?
I’ve literally written a book on this. Let me offer one simple tool that costs nothing but a little practice. Stop telling yourself you are wrong, you are ugly, or you are fat. Quite simply, stop the negative self-talk. Every time your mind says what a piece of crap you are for X, Y, or Z reason, stop it in its tracks and say, “I am [your name] and I am wonderful.” Then list the things about you – your core. Such as, “I am a powerful, smart, resourceful, strong, black woman. I can change anything that I want to. I come from a culture of survivors.”
Continue until you cannot say any more.
For years I hated myself for being gay. It was one more reason to shame Laura. Although I live in a world that often feels it is still wrong, I can stand and proudly say, “I am Laura Fenamore, and I am a passionate gay woman. I use my power and deep belief in love to serve others and to claim my right to exist. I am a beautiful woman in a beautiful body. I love myself, and in that, I am empowered to love all people.”
THIS is a good beginning.
To your authenticity,
Laura Fenamore, CPCC, Body Image Mastery Mentor
www.LauraFenamore.com
Laura@LauraFenamore.com
Saturday, August 30, 2008
Laura Fenamore Publishes A New Book
Controversial Fitness Leader Publishes Book to Wide Acclaim "Inventing Change From the Inside Out"
CLICK ABOVE TO GET YOUR COPY OF THIS LIFE CHANGING BOOK AND USE IT! This is a powerful tool to end obesity, eating disorders, yo-yo dieting, food addiction and low self-esteem. You can change your life and create permanent weight loss.
For information on participating in Laura's new 12-week course, starting late September, call Laura directly at 415-464-1234. The course is limited to only a handfull of participants, so don't delay.
www.LauraFenamore.com
CLICK ABOVE TO GET YOUR COPY OF THIS LIFE CHANGING BOOK AND USE IT! This is a powerful tool to end obesity, eating disorders, yo-yo dieting, food addiction and low self-esteem. You can change your life and create permanent weight loss.
For information on participating in Laura's new 12-week course, starting late September, call Laura directly at 415-464-1234. The course is limited to only a handfull of participants, so don't delay.
www.LauraFenamore.com
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