The 1-2-3 / ABC’s of Childhood Obesity Dissecting A Big Fat Problem

Recently, one of my clients called me -- she was hugely upset. Her eight-year-old daughter was being tested for diabetes. And while my client (and her spouse) have struggled with their weight for years, the IDEA that their little girl might be overweight AND SICK was horrifying. As I mentored her through the discussion, and helped her to see that she wasn't paralyzed -- she finally felt safe enough to admit that her daughter was twenty-three pounds overweight.

If you Google childhood obesity, you literally get 2,360,000 hits. It’s obvious that we put a huge amount of effort into looking at this issue, but how effective are we, when the numbers just go up and up, year after year? Let’s step back and dissect this issue in three very real and useful ways – the problem, the effects (bullying, self-esteem and overall health) and the solution.

#1 The Problem: Quite simply, our kids eat the wrong food and don’t move enough to use it up. When we consider everyday additives, like high fructose corn syrup (HFCS) though, they’re behind the eight ball from the beginning. HFCS not only adds an inordinate amount of calories for a product with NO nutritional upside, it also creates the phenomenon of craving – setting up even our littlest kids to binge eat. (See Childhood Obesity Basics, By Vincent Iannelli, M.D., About.com November 30, 2008)

Another part of the problem? Definitely fast food. Let’s face it, busy parents are often doing all they can to make ends meet and provide loving homes, so what harm is there if McDonald’s is the once (or twice) a week treat? Well, one problem is that we need to at LEAST stop calling it a treat. Call it a standby – call it, “uh oh, we’re in a jam,” call it fast-food Friday, but don’t call it a treat. An apple is a treat. Peanut Butter on wheat thins is a treat. Learning to re-language our discussions around food is vitally important to creating healthier families.

#2 The Effects: The sad truth is this: Our kids are getting bigger and bigger, while their self-esteem plummets. As a body image mastery mentor, I truly believe that we are all perfect and on a life journey to love ourselves from the inside out! But that journey is profoundly easier when we are HEALTHY. Imagine a child too heavy to run and play – too burdened by low self-esteem to enjoy their childhood. As any overweight adult can tell you, the heaviest burden is definitely not the pounds.

#3 The Solution: Okay, obviously the solution needs to be far more reaching than can be addressed in one article. But let’s just consider the basics – what we can implement right now.

a) MOVE. Move every single day. Move in a dedicated, disciplined way WITH your kids. The message is simple. We eat everyday and we move EVERY day. We change our clothes, we brush our teeth, we go to school, and we MOVE. And make it as fun as you can. Walk. Throw the heavy ball. Ride a bike. Dance. Even cleaning their room can be a fun exercise if you do it together (and have the added benefit of a clean room!).

b) Kick fast food to the curb. No exceptions. Instead, create alternative quick menu choices WITH your kids. A quick Google search will net you many, many healthy, kid-friendly recipes (homemade fat-free grilled cheese on whole wheat anybody?).

c) Most importantly, be sure to address your child’s weight from the outside in – AND the inside out. Weight is math. It is not a statement of value. Your kid is valuable and beautiful – those things are not up for debate. HEALTHY is your goal. From the “inside out,” be sure that there isn’t an emotional piece to your child’s weight.

Are they eating compulsively? Are they being teased?

d) Definitely ask for help on this one – their school guidance counselor might be a great place to start. There’s probably even a support group right in your area just for kids (check your local gym and hospital).

Remember, no matter what you do, the worst thing you can do is NOTHING. Our kids are our most vital natural resource, starting them out HEALTHY and FIT is the very least we can do.

Yours in Health,

Laura Fenamore, CPCC, Body Image Mastery Mentor
www.LauraFenamore.com
415 464 1234

Click here for more information and to read the Surgeon General’s Call to Action regarding childhood obesity.

Mirror, Mirror on the Wall, Who’s the Fairest of Them All? 3 Steps Toward Home

When we ask that childhood question, most of us do not stand there confident that the answer will be us – if only that were so. For most of us, the mirror game actually gets harder and harder as we age. Our reflection seems to mock us at every chance, like some twisted fun-house image, making us far too aware of every pound, every wrinkle, and every gray hair. We are our own committee of critics, and if we’re not careful, the negative self-talk can be endless.

This holiday season, give yourself a gift. First of all, get honest. What do you say to yourself when you stand in front of the mirror? Give it a try. (if you are not looking into mirrors at all, it is time to start NOW)

Spend a minute there – naked if you can. Instead of doing what you may have done before – which is be heavy and critical of what you look like, stand there for thirty seconds and just appreciate your own light, and your beautiful body.

You are gorgeous. The only reason your mind tells you otherwise is because of societal standards and norms which are not based in science or truth. In order to change your external reflection, (if that is what you want to do) you must see yourself as gorgeous NOW. You have to love who we are right this moment, in order to get to where you want to be and then stay there.

Take an inventory of your thoughts as you stand there. When negative messages come up? Simply notice them and listen without fueling them with more criticism. It’s amazing how this exercise can take on a life of its own, if you do it regularly over time. Get a journal and do this for the next 30 days.

Step 1: Stand. If facing the mirror bare feels too vulnerable at first, start this process fully clothed and slowly peel away clothes as you feel more powerful in your body. It will happen. Just by facing yourself in the mirror you will begin to see how powerful it is to be in your beautiful body. Begin a mental and physical gratitude list. You are whole and alive. You can effect change right NOW.

Step 2: Listen. Next, celebrate all the great things you have to say to yourself. Write those thoughts down and any other supportive, self-loving statements that enter your mind. Practice saying those thoughts out loud. For instance, “I am healthy, my legs are muscular and strong,” or, “My eyes shine with love and compassionate, knowing I have overcome much in my life.” Try simply saying, “I love you,” to your own reflection (include your name after “I love you”.)

Step 3: Look. When you are able to stand there with your own reflection without hurtful negativity or endless reproach, then take an honest inventory. Are you tired? Do you wish you body were firmer? Are you overweight? Remember, these are not reasons to chastise yourself, but instead, opportunities to inspire healthy change. Does your posture show someone proud, or does it show someone who needs to create pride. Do you see someone who practices self-care – or do you see someone who needs to reevaluate her priorities and make more time for her body and her deep, inherent beauty?

We are in the season of light, and it is time to literally shed light on your body. Physical light, as well as lightness of heart and spirit. What we often learn in our mirror exercise is that we are heavy with burdens that go way beyond the obvious. Heavy with memories. Heavy with judgment. If we aren’t careful and aware, we can get so weighed down during this season of giving, that we forget to give to ourselves at all. What we need, right now, is to lighten our load.

If you do not like WHAT you see in the mirror, you CAN change. You can create a new routine from the inside out. A routine that begins with loving thoughts – with patience and self-care. A day-to-day effort that gives your body the right energy (food choices) and the right opportunities to USE its energy (movement). This simple equation CAN become a part of your daily life, right now. It can be YOUR holiday gift to you. In fact, if you start right this moment, what you see in the mirror may actually change by New Year’s Day. Yes, your body responds THAT quickly to healthy and self-loving inspiration on every level.

So stand, listen, look and love. After all, you’re the only YOU you’ve got!

Laura Fenamore, CPCC, Body Image Mastery Mentor
www.LauraFenamore.com
Laura@LauraFenamore.com

Eat Drink and Be… A Big Fat Drunk

Although an important goal my goal in life is to avoid offending others, after I lost 100 pounds 20 plus years ago, I found a button in a novelty store in San Francisco that read, “Eat Drink and Be A Big Fat Drunk.” I wore it with pride for many years after that every holiday season.

The button cracked me up.

Mostly because it embodied humor AND a sense of personal responsibility – something that I really related to, then and now. It was also a reminder to me about where I’d come from and where I never wanted to see again.

In addition to suffering from food addiction, I had been a practicing alcoholic for many years. I began excessively drinking when I was in 7th grade. Like most addicts, I felt that alcohol freed me from my pain. For me, it did this in a way that food never could, and it empowered me to do crazy and often destructive things I never would have done otherwise.

It was also killing me in so many ways. It destroyed my self esteem, helped me hide from who I was. I was in two car accidents before I finally got sober – thankfully I survived without hurting anyone. Gratefully, all of that changed, and I was able to stop acting out with alcohol, food and other addictions – and able to lose 100 pounds through that process of healing.

The holidays are a time of year when so many of us act out with food, alcohol and other addictions, hoping to escape the pain of being with family or feeling alone (or being alone with family…take your pick.) It does not have to be that way though. And that I know for sure.
You can Eat Drink and Be Merry with moderation and learn how to deal with feelings that you want to suppress, forget or numb. Let's face it many people still choose to numb out and replace the “merry” part with big, fat, and I will add "unhappy" drunk...

You get to make different choices today. First of all, you can do whatever you want around the holidays. You do NOT have to do what others expect of you. This is your life, and your responsibilities to others simply don’t work if they’re killing you. And, quite simply, anything that isn’t building you up is definitely tearing you down.

Secondly, you have the choice to take people, places, and even the holidays themselves in SMALL doses. You can go late and leave early – thus creating a scenario where you can enjoy your Great Aunt May and your brother-in-law Barney for a few minutes, but leave when the fur starts flying. Be sure to set an exit with a few well-placed sentences to the host, “Mom, I can’t wait to see you on Thanksgiving, but remember I’ll need to leave early to meet up with my friends from work.” A great exit strategy will ultimately serve everyone.

The bottom line is this: Holidays aren’t easy. They are loaded with “fairy princess” expectations from childhood. You know, the “happily ever after” stuff that we all know doesn’t exist. We are fed visions of sugar plums and presents from early on, and we struggle year after year when that doesn’t materialize. We wonder if we’re doing it wrong. I’m here to assure you that you aren’t. Building a celebration around what works for YOU and what you need is perfectly okay and just might keep you solidly centered on what really fulfills you.

Feed your soul with people and places and things you love this season and write me and tell me how much better that feels from holidays past!

If you have questions about how to create this “personal celebration” call me at 415-464-1234.

Laura Fenamore, CPCC, Body Image Mastery Mentor
www.LauraFenamore.com
415 464 1234

Thanksgiving Message - Three Simple Truths Worth Knowing

Here are three simple truths that can change your life – your body – and your health. You might think the order should be body, health and life, right? Nope. That’s why most people can’t lose weigh or then gain it back. We’ve got the order wrong. So start with these simple truths:

1. You are not a failure.
2. It is never too late.
3. You can learn to love yourself enough to change FOR GOOD.

Number 1. The most important part of my mission to empower others to create healthy bodies from the inside out is that it begins on the inside, not the outside. In order to support that this holiday, I want to tell you that you are not a failure. No matter what your weight, your body, or your body image, you are simply not a failure based on what you did or didn’t do yesterday.

Number 2. What you get, right now, is the opportunity to not fail YOURSELF today.

It is never too late. You can make ONE change today that can, like a string of dominoes, change every day that’s headed toward you. What that one change might be is huge. Will you sign up for a course to help empower you? Will you create life-changing support? Will you visit websites to create healthy meal plans for you and your family? Will you take a walk for 10 minutes? You can choose to NOT fail today. Even if it’s half over – start your day right now, right this moment because every moment is an opportunity for a new beginning.

Number 3. You can learn to love yourself enough to change – so learn this one thing, right now: Food is not love or comfort. Food can be comforting and nurturing however, it will never cure your soul sickness. It will never fill what you really need. Although it might feel that way, believe me, I know first hand, it is not true. Food is energy, and that’s it. It is a consumable fuel source that sustains our bodies. And how well the engine works depends primarily on what fuel we provide. If we shovel in sugar, they’ll still run, but wow – what a price to pay. If we offer our bodies, fruits and vegetables and healthy proteins and whole grains, well, you will FEEL the difference in only a few days – or even hours.

Number 3 Continued! While food is NOT love and comfort, mealtimes CAN be. You can create rituals of love and comfort at your meals. In fact, the word companion literally means “to break bread with.” Who do you invite to your table every day? Are you setting a beautiful table and eating lovingly prepared meals? Are you TOO BUSY to create this expression of self-love? Because this is NOT a luxury. For centuries, mealtime was a staple of healthy bodies and healthy families. We ate together. Meals were a cherished event.

So when you go to this Thanksgiving’s meal with friends and family, I wish for you one thing: to stop and look around. Do you feel the love at that meal? Is it the food, or is it the people? Is it the setting? Can you smell the LOVE? Because I’m betting you can. Now, can you allow yourself to create this, in some small way, every day? Because THAT is a 1-2-3 great start.

I am grateful for YOU in my life, and if you need a helping hand getting started or over the rough spots, give me a call at 415 464 1234.

Laura Fenamore
CPCC and Body Image Mastery Mentor
www.LauraFenamore.com

Trick or Treat

It is sadly obvious that the “economic downturn” that is leaving families homeless, jobless, and without their retirement savings is due, in a large part, to greed. If all things break down to Love or Fear, as some spiritual minds believe, then greed certainly doesn’t fall on the side of love. Greed and Fear. How quickly they spread. Like all illnesses they hit those who are the most vulnerable, those who are discouraged, stressed or run down. So self-care becomes even more vital at a time like this.

For those who are able to breath deeply and find a rhythm, no matter what is happening to them externally, each day can still be filled with gratitude, and yes, even joy.

We are like those kids at Halloween, we can run away, scared by every mask and every ghoul. We can turn off our porch lights and hide in the darkened living room, hoping no one comes to trick us. Our other choice is obvious, we can take a deep breath and remember that there are no ghouls. Masks are only illusions. We can sit on our porch and share what we have with our neighbors. We can even join in and put on our own mask if we need to. We can choose to wear a mask of joy and “act as if” to get through scary days. (Not the same as denial, of course!)

My point is that in good times or bad, you are still living this ONE day of your life. It is yours, and you can refuse to ACT on fear. We may all be afraid; we do not know how things will turn and unfold with the economy, or with anything for that matter. But how we ACT is another story.

Will we sit, in our fearful, darkened living room and EAT all the candy? (It is worth noting that eating disorders are the most common addiction worldwide, and the cause of incalculable illness and emotional agony.) Like Halloween, addiction is a mask – it is not real. It offers a false face of comfort and escape, but underneath is a jailer who will fight with everything he has to keep you imprisoned and in despair.

Each of us has our own jailer, of course. Sometimes it is tangible, like food or alcohol or drug addiction, smoking, gambling, sex. Sometimes it is intangible, and it hides behind the mask of another person or an idea, like our old friend, GREED.

It is up to each of us to rip off the mask and make peace with the charlatan. We can be HOPEFUL at this time and release the EXCESS, caused by greed or fear. It may be frightening, but it is a time of rebalance. Whether we are losing excess debt or excess weight (in whatever form), we know there is a period of adjustment and perhaps grief.

Our habits as a person and a nation are going to have to change to support the new body. The more fit body. The healthier body.

We are the most prosperous nation in the world, and that is not about money. We have freedoms that are only dreamt of by other countries and other people. We can worship. We can speak freely, in word and in print. We can elect our government. We are based, not on a cultural or genetic similarity, but on one idea: Freedom.

The point of this essay is to encourage each of us to ENCOURAGE one another toward inner peace. To claim our own freedoms right now, in this moment. Your freedom. Your right to refuse to be locked in by addiction, hopelessness, greed, fear, or negativity of ANY kind.

This is your one precious life, and perhaps the biggest “trick” of all is that you’ve had the key inside you all along.

To your self-care, Laura Fenamore
Body Image Mastery Mentor
www.LauraFenamore.com

How to Honor our Precious Life and Precious Body

As almost all of the world’s population knows, September 11th, 2008 marked the 7th anniversary of the fall of the Twin Towers. After many years of living in California, I happened to be home visiting my family in New York City when 9/11 happened. The shock of losing so many souls only a few miles away from where I was standing that morning took my breath away.

Seven years later, it’s still a healing in progress for many of us. Indeed, the scar that the towers falling left is only starting to heal as the foundation of the new Freedom Tower is layed out.

In 2004, when the Tsunami hit South Asia, I was in flight from Thailand to Cambodia. Thailand was one of the hardest hit nations, losing an estimated 8,000 to death and leaving 4,000 missing. The economic impact is almost incalculable with so many families losing their main income provider and so many jobs lost from the tourism industry.

Of course, Thailand was only one affected area – almost 300,000 people perished in the Tsunami, making it the largest loss of life in modern history. The coincidence of being so near two of the most awful, unforeseen events in our lifetime does not escape me.

How do we heal from life-changing events like this? I am forced to ask this question over and over. The Tsunami, the Twin Towers, Hurricane Katrina, War – so many of us have been directly affected by the disasters of this millennium. But even for those of us who have not lost loved ones or been uprooted, we stand in solidarity. We are the living legacy of souls lost and lives changed.

What does this have to do with body image and weight loss?

Everything, actually.

There are so many different interpretations of what happens when we lose someone. Where do they go? We know only one thing for sure – they are not in their bodies. That part of them has ended. Today, you and I have a privilege – we are in our bodies, we can enjoy one more day of our precious life.

In a crisis, we know what is real and we know what is not. We release our daily distractions and obsessions based on vanity and self-criticism. We are forced to live authentically and think only about the moment we are in. Today, live as if this is the last day of your life. And do that again, tomorrow and the next day…on and on.

Today, what you DOES matters.

The big stuff. The small stuff. All of it.

Your day-to-day choices matter.

You are breathing right now and that is a great starting point. The root of the word “inspire” means breath. Today, choose to be inspired and do all you can to continue to draw breath.

• I want to ask you to think before you attack yourself or attack another person.


• Move your body because you can. You are alive and you can move.


• Inspire others by being grateful rather than critical. You are alive and that is enough reason to celebrate everyday.
  

Choose to EXPIRE from nothing but old age.

You are living this one precious, precious life – right now. If you need some answers on how to make those day-to-day healthy choices become a reality in your own life, reach out to me by phone or email. I have a life-changing 12-week course that will free you from the prison of poor body image and low self-esteem and teach you to live a different kind of life. A reverent, inspiring life that makes you want to stand up and cheer.

To your health,
Laura Fenamore, CPCC, Body Image Mastery Mentor
www.LauraFenamore.com

One Earth, One Planet, One Humanity

I often think about the prejudice I face as a gay woman and how fortunate I am to be able to choose when and how to share that very important part of my life. When I sense that it is not “safe” to be gay, I can choose to keep that information to myself. I often wonder how people of color, or other nationalities or religions (such as Muslim women right now), face prejudice and judgment every day and find the courage to deal with the pain of not being able to have that same choice. They wear their “minority” on their sleeves, so to speak. Quite simply, I get to hide and they do not.

Call me Pollyanna, or simply call me American, but I want to live in a world where none of that matters. As an individual, I do not care what color, background, sexuality or religion you may be. I love people and always give them the benefit of the doubt. I wish this were the way of the world.

It is 2,008, and gay rights are at the forefront of this election – and things are moving in favor of someone’s right to choose the most basic thing in their lives -- their life partner. However, we know that this far from being resolved. The legality of choosing our partners looms like the blinded woman with the scales of justice. Is she blindfolded to all things but justice, as she should be? Or is she just blind as we hurt one another due to prejudice?

Prejudice and Judgment – why do I care what you think of me? Well, to be honest, rejection is palpable. Like all human beings, the risk and the reality of rejection is that the pain it causes often translates to self-abuse through food, drugs, alcohol, sexual addiction, and low self-esteem. Being gay had a profound impact on my body image and self-worth. I was told I was sick. I was told there was something “wrong with me. What Eckhardt Tolle calls the pain body has, in some ways, taken a lifetime to heal.

There is something “wrong with you.” That’s what our society and even the people closest to us tell us every day. You are gay. You are black. You are fat. You are handicapped. You are wrong. Endlessly, the message is profoundly simple: You are wrong.

And in that wrongness, we kill one another from the moment we first draw breath.

How do we heal this?

· As a nation, we heal it through laws and civil rights.
· As communities we heal it by demonstrating and supporting one another.
· But as a person, the question is always right in front of me. How do I heal the “pain body” and the harm that “being wrong” did to my body and my soul?

Powerfully, thankfully, through hard work, going within, and peeling away the “pain bodies” one layer at a time, I have translated most of my “pain body” into power. So much Power that I get to share it and teach it. Some days I feel like the statue of liberty. Bring me your huddled masses because liberty and freedom are yours. You are not wrong, and you never have to hurt yourself or hate yourself for who you are again. You can be free, not only to be who you are, but to love who you are and anyone else you choose to love.

Where do you begin?

I’ve literally written a book on this. Let me offer one simple tool that costs nothing but a little practice. Stop telling yourself you are wrong, you are ugly, or you are fat. Quite simply, stop the negative self-talk. Every time your mind says what a piece of crap you are for X, Y, or Z reason, stop it in its tracks and say, “I am [your name] and I am wonderful.” Then list the things about you – your core. Such as, “I am a powerful, smart, resourceful, strong, black woman. I can change anything that I want to. I come from a culture of survivors.”

Continue until you cannot say any more.

For years I hated myself for being gay. It was one more reason to shame Laura. Although I live in a world that often feels it is still wrong, I can stand and proudly say, “I am Laura Fenamore, and I am a passionate gay woman. I use my power and deep belief in love to serve others and to claim my right to exist. I am a beautiful woman in a beautiful body. I love myself, and in that, I am empowered to love all people.”

THIS is a good beginning.

To your authenticity,
Laura Fenamore, CPCC, Body Image Mastery Mentor
www.LauraFenamore.com
Laura@LauraFenamore.com

Personal Sustainability - You are NOT Fat or Thin -- You are ENERGY

For many of us, losing weight has been the distracting focus of much of our lives. It has been our limiting, lying nemesis. Our mind says, IF ONLY I were thin . . . IF ONLY I could lose weight.

Ironically, the problem with this thought, from the very first moment, is that weight simply does not get lost. You can’t hide it under the bed and hope everyone forgets about it – or lose it in a closet full of old clothes that don’t fit; because the one who can’t forget – not for a second – is you. And worse, the thing you do risk forgetting is the vibrant, magnificent woman that you are and the incredible life that you are meant to have right now – at this very moment.

As women filled with self-love, the idea of “losing” weight must be bravely replaced with the larger truth … using weight.

Using weight. That is a truth you can wrap your head around and participate in. Instead of frantically waving a magic wand around your belly or rear-end and feeling like your own body’s victim, you can dance and plant a garden or do loving service for others. You can enjoy and love your precious, active life and refuse to be distracted with self-loathing ever again.

Think of your body as a bank. You have simply deposited extra energy that you are now ready (and more than willing) to lose. Each pound of extra weight is equal to 3,000 energy units (calories). Everything we eat and everything we do is simply energy in or out of our bank. Remember, also, the universe does not know “fat” or “thin” – it knows energy. Having stored energy in your body is not bad or good to the universe. It just is. Using that energy in creative, self-loving ways can be a beautiful exploration.

You can boldly strike out on a path and explore a life where living authentically simply means non-judgmentally embracing good health and using your energy in purposeful ways.

If you used to entertain a stream of thoughts such as: I don’t have time to walk today; I have too much work to do to work out; I’m too busy to eat a salad; I’m too fat to go to that event. You can consciously replace them with self-love, such as:

I have enough stored energy in my body to plant a phenomenal garden this summer.
I will use some of my stored energy to paint my house – and then my elderly neighbor’s too.
I am a beautiful expression of universal energy.
I will take in great, living foods that won’t add to my stored energy, but will heal my living body.

Whatever your limiting beliefs are about taking care of yourself, your body and your inner child, these are lies that you simply can’t afford to participate in any longer. Because in the end, it’s all energy, and hateful self-dialog can be as deadly as cancer – just ask anyone with a life-long eating disorder or deep depression. It may not be as easy as throwing a switch, but starting out with a loving awareness of the energy we put out, hold in, or hold onto our bodies is a very real foundation for change.

Your body’s very heartbeat and breath are part of the universe’s energy. Lovingly visualize the many creative, purposeful activities you can accomplish with your personal bank of stored energy. Allow yourself to choose a few longer projects that will lovingly “express” stored calories from your bank. Breathe deeply and brainstorm. Include expressions of loving service to others.

It’s your energy bank and YOUR life, spend it wisely.

Laura Fenamore, CPCC, Body Image Master Mentor

http://www.laurafenamore.com/
Laura@LauraFenamore.com
415-464-1234