How To Tell Someone You Love That They Need To Change

Have you ever uttered these words: “Why didn’t someone tell me?!!” and wondered why a friend or loved one didn’t quietly take you aside and offer advice when you were about to make a terrible mistake? Have you looked back at a time in your life when you were running head-on into a train wreck – and realizing that no one tried to stop you, thought to yourself, “If someone had just said something to me, maybe I could have avoided that?” It is important to reflect on these moments, especially if the situation is now reversed – and you now have a loved one headed for a disaster with their own health.

Do you know and love someone who has crossed the line and is no longer just “slightly overweight” or “too thin,” but is now truly unhealthy from constant abuse of their own body and poor choices? Do you sit quietly by their side as they continue to make poor choices that can lead them to continued unhappiness with their weight, major illness, or even worse – death? Do they feel hopeless about obesity, yo-yo dieting, an eating disorder, or simply poor body image?

Are you concerned about his or her well-being?

Ask yourself:
1. Has this loved one ever asked for help with their weight issues, verbally or non-verbally?
2. Have they expressed dissatisfaction with their body, eating and exercise habits, or health?
3. Has this loved one ever passively given me clues that they are crying out for help?

When someone you love is hurting, sometimes they can’t ask for help out loud – they may be too ashamed or too afraid. At times, they might even deny that they need (or are asking for) help, and they may even seem to resent you for bringing up the matter.

I am here to tell you that there is a way to reach people without hurting them!

First, you must not allow yourself to become a victim of wanting to help them and not knowing how. If you truly care for this person, you must be willing to take a risk for them. What’s the risk? If your loved one is in deep denial and burying the reasons for their unwise habits, they may walk away from you, rather than face the truth. When we hurt inside, we attack our bodies because that is what’s available. Poor eating habits, self-abuse in the form of food and lack of self-care are all physical manifestations of pain. If your loved one is hurting this much, and if you want to help them – you can!

There is healing and non-aggressive help in the loving art of story-telling. Arm yourself with success stories that have similar results to those you wish for your loved one. Choose a time to talk with the person, and begin with those stories. (As an example, use my story -- found on “About Laura” at my website: www.LauraFenamore.com.) Tell them my story. I lost 100 lbs. and kept it off forever – only to discover that I hated myself as much when I was thin as I did when I was overweight. I finally came to realize that it is not about what we look like on the outside – but how much we love ourselves inside that makes the difference! Only then was I able to begin the slow and steady path of self-care every day. I began to love Laura – and was able to stop abusing my body as I made positive changes in the choices I made every day.

It is likely that your loved one will identify their own situation as you talk with them, although they may be angry or hurt. But are you more concerned with their well-being than initially offending them? Are you willing to risk losing your loved one for a moment in order to help save their lives forever? If you are, then take the steps to begin opening up to them, and at the end of that conversation, dial the phone for them, and let them ask me how to get started and what I did to lose 100 pounds and save my own life. The phone call is free and they can be too.

Laura Fenamore
www.LauraFenamore.com
415-464-1234